It's Been a Blue Kinda Day

Today was just one of those days.  *sigh*  A good friend of mine, Jose Ordaya, passed away Wednesday after a long fight with leukemia, and I'm just having a hard time accepting it.  Pavel and I have known Jose since 2000 when we all met during our Navy Corps School.  Jose and I rekindled our friendship in 2006 when we both began working in the same department.  It was one of those friendships that even though 6 years had gone by, it felt like it had only been days.  Jose ended up leaving the military and my family moved to Japan.  Thanks to Facebook, though, we were able to continue staying in touch.  When we moved back to the states I feel like Jose and I got closer and closer.  Even though we hardly ever saw each other, we were always in touch - it was a beautiful thing.

No matter what Jose was going through or how dim the light was, he had such a beautiful spirit about him.  He took every obstacle in stride with the most positive outlook.  His ability to see the good in things and ability to maintain the mindset that he was going to get better was phenomenal.  Regardless what he was going through, he always maintained his faith and hope that it would get better.  I can only hope that when I'm faced with any type of adversity that I can handle it with half the grace he had.

Knowing how sick Jose was, and seeing how often his leukemia was recurring, it seemed like it was only a matter of time until God called him home.  Every single day was a blessing - a true blessing.  Losing someone is never easy, though, and there is just no way to prepare yourself for it.  When I read that Jose had passed Wednesday I was dumbstruck.  My world felt smaller, dimmer, like there was a hole in it.  I never dreamed that his death would be so hard for me.  I feel selfish for wanting him back here with us.  I know in my heart that he is not suffering anymore and I know that he is in such a good place.  He is waiting for us in heaven and that is a beautiful thing.  He put up such a fight that he deserves the rest he has been granted.  When I read the many posts on his Facebook wall, it is beautiful to see that he blessed everyone he came in contact with.  He was such an amazing person and I know that he is watching over us until it is our turn to go.

Jose used to spew all kinds of craziness about his beloved Yankees all over my Facebook page.  LOL!  Being a Cleveland girl, I truly despise the Yankees and he knew this.  I think that's what made it so much fun for him!  Every time they were playing or had won a game, I'd get a random "GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" on my page.  hehehehehehe.  I was having a rough day on Thursday and I asked for something uplifting...another friend of mine wrote on my wall "The Yankees are playing today, that should be uplifting?"  *sigh* if that's not a sign from above, I don't know what is.  This friend didn't know Jose, didn't know about how he'd write on my page like that, yet he chose that very moment to write those words.  I took it as a sign from Jose that he is ok now, and he will always be with us.  I even bought a Yankees t-shirt today - can you believe that crap?!?!?!  Jose would probably pass out if he knew that!  LOL!  Pavel's excited, I can tell you that much.  I figure when I'm having a day where I'm missing him, I'll just pull out my shirt & it'll be like he's here with me.

It's never easy to lose someone you love, but we have to take solace in the fact that they are no longer suffering.  I know this is the case with Jose and it does provide some comfort.  God has Jose with him now, where he belongs, but it does leave a hole for those of us here.  I pray that his family can find comfort in knowing Jose is in such a beautiful place and we will all see him again some day.  I love him like family and I will miss him every single day.

RIP Jose Ordaya
April 28, 1982 - March 30, 2011

Beginnings

Try as I may to begin a true workout regime, there's something that always holds me back.  To this day, I haven't truly figured out what that may be.  I have a strong inkling that something within me is blocking my way.  Strangely enough, I thought I had gotten past that block.  Now my excuse for not getting to the gym, not eating the right food, and all of the other things that go with it is "I just don't have the time."  What kind of crap is that?  I always seem to have time to watch TV, mess around on the internet, etc., but I can't seem to find the time to take care of my own body.  With my newfound motivation, I will begin making a plan - a true plan - one that I can actually stick to.  Even if I'm only there for an hour, it's one hour more towards my body than I had before.

I can do this!!!!!!